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4 Powerful Steps to Experience More Love!

Updated: Jan 10, 2023

Ever have those moments when not only your Love CUP feels empty, but your whole Love TANK has run dry?

It always seems that in my moments of greatest "love drought," the love demands around me skyrocket, and I'm left feeling overwhelmed and under-resourced. What are some quick and easy ways to "refuel" when you're running dry. Read on to find out...!!

“It pretty much goes without saying that Love is a powerful force in our lives. When we have it in abundance, we feel full, ecstatic and unstoppable. When we're IN Love, the world around us — and everyone in it! — just seems brighter, more wonderful and full or possibility. And when we are yearning for Love and not receiving it, everything and everyone can feel like an endless, dark, drizzly day. Whether overflowing or running dry, the state of our 'Love Tank' definitely has a big effect on SO many other areas of our lives. And I've found that when I am able to create and generate Love in my life, things just generally run smoother. So let's get to sparking and generating the LOVE!”

Step 1: Get super-duper clear on your Love desires!

This may sound more-than-obvious, but believe it or not, many of us actually aren't quite sure what we're looking for in Love. And it goes without saying that it's pretty tough to receive something when we're not all that clear on what we're desiring to receive. To spark and harness the Love, we need to begin to tune into our deepest, truest yearnings. Getting clear and concrete on your Love desires will not only help you to get started on your path to finding what you're looking for, but you'll also get get clearer on what you're NOT looking for in Love.Which is also super important! More on that in the next step...

So, to begin tuning into your Love desires, I'd like to invite you to grab a warm, cozy beverage of your choice (I'm a green tea and chai latte fanatic!) and head to your favorite "happy place" to do some inner reflection. Don't forget to bring a pencil and your journal!

Once you're comfortably settled into your favorite spot, take a few deep breaths into your gorgeous-goddess body (YES, YOU ARE!!), and bring your attention to all of the feelings inside of your body. Feel yourself breathing, relaxing and listening deeply for your own inner voice. This works best without distractions and noise! Then ask yourself:

What are my deepest, most beautiful, powerful, true, authentic andmeaningful love desires?

Then listen! Listen to your body, your inner voice, your heart's deepest desires as if you were listening to your absolute favorite person in the world — YOU! As you ask your inner wisdom for clarity on your deepest Love desires, pay attention as if what you are receiving is the mot precious, powerful gift of insight you've ever received. Listen to your own inner Love diva as if all that matters in this moment are her feelings, desires and experiences! Trust that she already has the answers and you are just here listening to and receiving her insights.

And write down whatever comes to you! Maybe it's an image or a vision of yourself in a particular location or doing a certain activity. Or maybe its a sound or a song or a physical feeling. Or maybe specific words or phrases will come to you. Whatever it is, trust it, breathe into it, write it down, and thank yourself for this new wisdom.

The key here is not to jump back into your head and fall into the habits of analyzing, judging or thinking negatively about what is or isn't possible for you in Love. When we do this, we cause ourselves a lot of unnecessary pain and suffering, because we begin to cut off from our deepest desires and ignore our body sensations. When we're "spinning" in our heads, we lose our ability to listen deeply to ourselves and really receive our inner wisdom. Often, in this cut-off state, we hear the voices of culture, self-blame and the past pain. And we are taken in by the judgments, expectations and perspectives of others.

To clarify our Love desires, we need to begin to listen to our own, true, clear, authentic voice. The thing is, we already really do know what we want, but as women, we're often taught to cutoff from our inner knowing and desires and to prioritize everyone and everything outside of ourselves. I learned the hard way in the past that when I put everyone else's desires and needs and feelings first in Love, I basically abandoned myself, and it has never worked out all that well.

Learning to listen into and get clear on our desires is NOT EASY! So please be incredibly loving and patient with yourself. Give yourself the same kindness and care you'd give to your best friend. And I'd really recommend making this a DAILY PRACTICE — even a twice -a-day practice! And if you try this practice and get nothing the first few times, please don't give us or give yourself a hard time for it.

Step 2: Know What You DON'T Want!

Oftentimes, we are SO ready to experience Love in our lives that we tend to create relationships that at first may feel exciting and full of possibility, but soon become painful, unfulfilling, one-sided or codependent. This may be something that pops up in romantic relationships or in platonic friendships. Have you noticed that these same "Love patterns" may keep showing up in your life again and again with new partners or people? How does this happen!?! Your past lovers may seem to be really different from each other in many ways, but if you look a bit deeper, you're likely to find that some of the same issues, challenges, habits and patterns came up with more than one of them. You get to know people and love connecting, but somehow after awhile the friendship no longer feels meaningful or reciprocal... Hmmm...!

In order to NOT keep repeating the same old sh$% in our relationships, we need to become super conscious of what it is we are NOT looking for in Love. As in: what really, totally, absolutely DOES NOT work for you? Getting clear on what will NOT work for you allows you to avoid falling into the trap of self-sacrificing and self-abandoning in the longterm in order to have a short-term experience of Love.

One of the most common patterns I began to see in my own friendships and romantic relationships was the tendency to jump in quickly, connect deeply, and then feel overwhelmed by the level of demand and absorption of time that this relationship was taking. I could create a meaningful connection easily, I found, but maintaining it over time was hard for me. So what did I do, I'd start to unconsciously create distance between myself and the other person, leaving them confused, frustrated, disappointed and potentially hurt. And I would feel just generally crappy, because I'd, yet again, found my way into a relationship that became one sided or unfulfilling. Grrr!

It took me beginning to pay attention to what absolutely DID NOT work in my relationships to begin to evolve beyond this challenging love pattern. I started by making a list! I wrote down everything I wasn't willing to compromise on in my relationships, including my "me time"! Then I began to pay attention to my behaviors and the ways that I might be showing up that were creating the very problems that I was seeking to avoid. It took some time, but with practice I could notice when I would meet a new potential friend or start out in a romantic relationship whether or not my NOs were present.

Then, I could actually begin to consciously choose relationships that had the potential to flourish and be clear that I wasn't investing time and energy in connections that were unlikely to feel deeply fulfilling in the long run.

Step 3: Create the Conditions for Love Right NOW!

When Love seems like a distant possibility, we tend to shut down, close off and live out of a sense of loneliness or lack, rather than creating an environment that welcomes the Love we are seeking.

I am not suggesting that you "fake it 'til you make it," but rather "if you build it, they will come!" Corny, yes, but also true. :-) The challenge we often hit up against when we're NOT experiencing the love we so dream of and desire is that we begin to live a life that pretty much predicts that Love will continue to NOT HAPPEN for us. Its almost as if our feelings of disappointment and despair in Love become the building blocks for our continued experiences of lack in Love. Essentially, we live into and out of a self-fulfilling, Love-less prophecy.

Can you begin to see how this might be the case in your own Love experiences? How your physical space, your emotional wavelength and your ways of thinking about Love might be contributing to creating an environment where Love is not welcome?

When we are seeking glorious, fresh, powerful experiences of Love with every fiber of our being, we need to begin to build the environment that will allow Love to enter, take root and flourish. Ask yourself: what in my emotional and physical environment might not be all that welcoming to Love? There are loads of little and big ways that we can begin to welcome love into our environment. We need to begin to SPREAD the Love in our day-to-day lives, rather than close off and turn away from Love in our regular activities and engagements.

Try these Love-full practices to shift your mood, open your energy and lighten your Love vibe!

Spruce Up Your Love Nest! Creating a nurturing, cozy, inviting, beautiful and intimate space in your physical surroundings has a twofold effect on sparking the Love we are seeking to find. First, it practically shifts the mood or energy of anyone who is in the space — especially you! And second, who wants to hang out in an environment that feels dark, crowded and less-than-inspiring? Not me! And I imagine your future love won't either! Imagine you go over to a friend's house. The window shades are closed and there are boxes brimming and corners cluttered with unused and forgotten stuff. The place even smells a little "musty," and there's not a bit of art on the walls. Not even a plant or a magazine on the coffee table. How do you feel upon entering, and would you want to stay?! Now, instead, imagine a bright, sun-filled, airy space that has a few gorgeous pieces of artwork hanging on the walls, items tidied away, maybe a beautiful aroma wafting from the kitchen and mellow music in the background. Which space would invite you to stay and get comfortable? And even more importantly, how would you feel as you enter and leave that space? I am a big believer in the impact of our environment on our mood and our overall well-being. When you begin to create a space that feels the way you'd like to feel in Love, you will bring new Love energy into your space AND shift your own sense of Love possibility.

Spark Love Energy Today! Why wait to begin experiencing the Love you are dreaming of? You can start to feel that magical Love vibe today. Somehow we've learned over time that Love is an external experience of connection that begins with meeting the "right person"and having them do the "right things" to make you feel perfectly, awesomely loved. We see a couple holding hands on a sunset walk or having a romantic candlelit meal in our favorite restaurant, and we yearn to have the same experiences in our lives. If only... <sigh>! Write down a list of the top ten things you can't wait to experience with that special someone or with a friend. Maybe it's ice-skating at night followed by a mug of hot cocoa, or maybe it's that exotic trip you've always dreamed of taking, or maybe it's a simple moonlit walk on the beach. Just like those dusty, "special" plates that sit for years in your cupboard waiting for the "right guests" to come over to use them, we often deprive ourselves of the joys and fun of adventure, play, pleasure and thrill until we find "the One." Instead, get going doing the things on your list today! Go get a much-needed foot massage. Treat yourself to that amazing meal at that incredible restaurant that everyone's been recommending. Go alone or invite a friend! The point its that when we start to practice what I like to call "Love actions" in our day to day, we start to FEEL the impact of Love in our lives. Our mood lifts, we become more friendly and accessible (not to mention more fun and interesting to be around!), and who know who you'll meet along the way! :-)

Choose the People and Activities that Inspire and Spark Love! Who we are around matters. If we're spending all of our time with single friends who are ever complaining about their status — or miserable couples who are always going through some kind of drama — we are going to be pulled into and down by their not-so-loving vibe. Surround yourself with people who have the same Love energy and desires that you do. Get courageous and creative in connecting with Love-full friends and family member or getting out there to make new relationships that reflect the kind of Love experiences you so deserve. Similarly, our activities — how we spend our days and nights! — make a big difference to the Love energy in our lives. If you're looking for new friends or a mate who is super active and loves to get outdoors on the weekend, but you're spending your days off hiding out with ice-cream and Netflix... or if you're looking to meet someone who loves travel and culture but you never leave your own community or frequent local cultural attractions... or you are yearning to find someone who is stable and committed but most of your nights are spent out on the town in "singles spots"... you might need to take the time to realign your activities and connections with the life of Love that you're envisioning. And on that note...!

Step 4: Commit to Prioritizing Your Love Vision!

Once we have gotten super clear on our Love desires, figured out what we DON'T want in Love and created Love-full conditions in our physical space, activities and relationships, we are ready to get serious about committing to our Love vision!

What does this look like? It all comes down to really connecting in deeply with our Love intentions and staying the course in the face of distractions, disappointments and false starts. What often happens is that we start off with a strong commitment and as "life happens," our clarity, focus and followthrough start to wane... We stop believing in and connecting to what it is we are most longing to create, and we allow ourselves to get distracted by all "the stuff" that keeps us from consciously pursuing our vision for Love. We tell ourselves stories about how "this isn't the right time," or "I'm too old" or "when my job gets less busy," or WHATEVER! I love to think of sparking and kindling love as building and tending to a fire — maybe because this is an activity that my husband does with a level of commitment and attention, passion and dedication that always makes my heart leap with joy and gratitude to watch. "I'm building you a fire," he'll say, when we're visiting our favorite beachfront getaway spot, and then he'll spend hours keeping the fire roaring despite Florida's often-strong gusts of ocean wind. Sometimes we'll sit by the fire all evening, and he never seems to tire or get distracted of stoking the flames!

Our commitment to our Love vision is what keeps us on track even when we don't "feel like it" or we meet obstacles along the path. Holding to our Love vision, we begin to move forward step by step even when the terrain is tough — because we know where we're going!

The Love we are longing for is within our reach when we begin to consciously connect to and clarify our Love commitment and create the Love-full conditions that light us up and speed our course!


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